Life in the Time of Corona: Julia Buchholz

7 April 2020
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2019–20 US teaching assistant Julia Buchholz talks about making the decision to remain in Austria and how she has found comfort in an international community.

 

This story showcases Julia's personal journey in the last weeks.

It’s been three weeks. Three of what seemed like the quickest and slowest weeks of my life. It was a hurry-up-to-slow-down kind of time with countless questions, tearful goodbyes, and unexpectedly happy memories. Although, admittedly, many of my days have been spent stressing over the unknown and second-guessing practically every decision I’ve made. There have also been incredibly bright moments that have helped me get through these uncertain times.

I don’t think anyone could have imagined how quickly and irreversibly things would change. How many split-second decisions we’d all have to make and how the whole world would soon have to come to terms with the newness of our current normal. But now the dust has settled a bit, and I’ve had some time to look back on everything that has happened.

In those first days, so many twists and turns rocked my sense of stability as a foreigner living in Europe. School cancelations, travel bans, and social-contact restrictions gave rise to more questions than there were answers. Trying to sift through the doubt and unpredictability to make the most rational decision seemed impossible. Should I stay or go back to the States? I remember somber conversation around kitchen tables as my fellow teaching assistants looked at each asking the same question: “what is happening?!”

In the end, it had to be an individual choice. I always try to make the right decision, but in this circumstance there really are no right decisions. I decided to stay in Austria. It felt impossible to pack up my life here in a matter of days and quickly tear out the roots that I’d worked so hard to grow. Also, more practically, I still have a job, health insurance, and a place to live here in Austria. It was a hard decision and one that to this day I’m not 100% confident in. However, I’m trying to practice radical acceptance and dig into the decision that I made.

In the two days before people started leaving, we all knew things were coming to a close. It all seemed to be happening too quickly, but we were determined to finish some of the things we started. At the very beginning of the year, I began training for the Vienna Half-Marathon with my friend Anna. Since it looked doubtful the race would still take place and Anna had decided to go back home, we hosted our own “official” Graz Half-Marathon. This was the last normal day, and it seemed fitting to end with a strong sense of accomplishment and a few sore muscles. That night many of us gathered around one last round of beers and laughed, danced, and listened to some pretty rad bear stories. It was the best and most unpredictable “ending” I could have hoped for.

And now fast-forwarding to the present, I feel settled and accustomed to my life here. When I first came to Graz, I made the choice to not live with other Americans and ended up in an apartment with people from Germany, Spain, and Italy. While I’d moved here with the intention of making international friends, I never foresaw it being these people that would make all the difference. Throughout the year I’d always had the safety and familiarity of the American Fulbright Austria community to fall back on. But now I’m the only American, and that feels strange. But I am so lucky to be stuck with the people I’m stuck with. On the eve of the lockdown, we all gathered around the kitchen table and wrote down rules and expectation for the coming weeks:

 

  • Give feedback softly
  • Take things with a grain of salt
  • Cook together
  • Respect each other
  • Warn people if you need space
  • And remember it’s a privilege to live together

The last point rings the truest. I feel so honored and fortunate to have these people as roommates. They have supported me, listened to me worry endlessly, taken my pulse when I dramatically thought I was fainting, salsa danced with me, and made me laugh more times than I can count. We’ve taken time to learned more about each other’s cultures through perhaps my favorite medium: food. From homemade gnocchi, to hand-cut Käsespätzle, to afternoon gazpacho and even some authentic American boxed mac and cheese. All these memories have made this quarantine more than bearable.

Although I still have some dark days where all I do is lay in bed, I’m kept motivated and connected by this international community that has included me and cared for me in such a special way. And those are just the people I physically see every day. With words like social distancing, quarantine, and lockdown flooding our subconscious, it’s easy to feel we’re being forced into isolation. However, in my opinion the opposite is true—I feel like I’ve almost become more social. Making time for people has become a priority and a necessity now that socializing has been labeled a scarcity. Technology has helped us all to break out of the walls we feel so confined by and check in on our friends and family around the world.

Who knows what the future will hold or how long we’ll be suspended in this new normal. All I know is that if we continue to support, encourage, and uplift each other the way we have been for the past three weeks, I have confidence we’ll make it out on the other side of this more together than ever. Even though it seems our Fulbright Austria experience was cut short, I believe we all still have the opportunity to grow our connections with each other and find deeper mutual understanding no matter where we might be in the world.

 

If you would like to share how the global coronavirus crisis has affected your life as a Fulbright Austria program participant, please contact us.